Two Years On...
Up till now I've tried to keep this chronological. However Christmas time is a particularly difficult time of the year for me.
So, I think now is a good time to talk about how I'm doing now...
People often tell me how strong I am, going through something traumatic and surviving the months that followed. I'm always so complimented, it's honestly one of the biggest compliments but it' not always easy to see in yourself. The real battle for me began when the halo came off. The halo was almost like a uniform that let people know I was a little broken. Once it came off and I started looking and acting a little better, people began to expect so much more from me. But the halo was only temporary, everything that was under the surface was a little more permanent. Whilst I was still in quite a lot of pain with my neck and back, it was my mental health that I struggled most with. I suffered from PTSD, bad anxiety attacks and depression. The brain damage meant that I was no longer who I was before the accident. My personality changed, I was colder and indifferent. Things that I used to enjoy and find easy (like sketching, writing and exercise) were suddenly difficult and frustrating. My fatigue meant not only that I couldn't be as active as I used to be, but that I couldn't think and talk as clearly and eloquently as I used to. All of these changes that were forced upon me and the now terrifying uncertainty of my future made it very hard to feel positive again.
Christmas came and went. I spend it with family and we were thankful that nobody had to spend in a hospital.
However, his year has perhaps been even more challenging than the last. Physically I am a lot better, I'm back to being active and I've managed to figure out how best to manage the pain and the fatigue. However, mentally this year has been a bit of a battle. A lot of things have started to get better and then suddenly ended terribly. There has been a lot of stepping forward and then falling two steps back. My anxiety which I thought I had a good handle on came back threefold and the latter half of the year brought with it a lot of self doubt and low self esteem.
However, it's Christmas Eve two years later. I'm sat in a house of my own, with my two cats. I've been on two holidays, been all over the country visiting friends, starting exercising again and already have plans next year to look forward to. Things are slowly getting better and I think it's important for me to remember how much I have achieved.
Christmas is now not only a family holiday (one we've always loved), but it's a reminder that I defied all expectations and survived something that should've killed me. The battle is trying not to dwell on what I lost in the crash, but trying to move forward with who I am now.
Merry Christmas everybody. I hope you are all spending it with people you love.
Jess
x
So, I think now is a good time to talk about how I'm doing now...
People often tell me how strong I am, going through something traumatic and surviving the months that followed. I'm always so complimented, it's honestly one of the biggest compliments but it' not always easy to see in yourself. The real battle for me began when the halo came off. The halo was almost like a uniform that let people know I was a little broken. Once it came off and I started looking and acting a little better, people began to expect so much more from me. But the halo was only temporary, everything that was under the surface was a little more permanent. Whilst I was still in quite a lot of pain with my neck and back, it was my mental health that I struggled most with. I suffered from PTSD, bad anxiety attacks and depression. The brain damage meant that I was no longer who I was before the accident. My personality changed, I was colder and indifferent. Things that I used to enjoy and find easy (like sketching, writing and exercise) were suddenly difficult and frustrating. My fatigue meant not only that I couldn't be as active as I used to be, but that I couldn't think and talk as clearly and eloquently as I used to. All of these changes that were forced upon me and the now terrifying uncertainty of my future made it very hard to feel positive again.
Christmas came and went. I spend it with family and we were thankful that nobody had to spend in a hospital.
However, his year has perhaps been even more challenging than the last. Physically I am a lot better, I'm back to being active and I've managed to figure out how best to manage the pain and the fatigue. However, mentally this year has been a bit of a battle. A lot of things have started to get better and then suddenly ended terribly. There has been a lot of stepping forward and then falling two steps back. My anxiety which I thought I had a good handle on came back threefold and the latter half of the year brought with it a lot of self doubt and low self esteem.
However, it's Christmas Eve two years later. I'm sat in a house of my own, with my two cats. I've been on two holidays, been all over the country visiting friends, starting exercising again and already have plans next year to look forward to. Things are slowly getting better and I think it's important for me to remember how much I have achieved.
Christmas is now not only a family holiday (one we've always loved), but it's a reminder that I defied all expectations and survived something that should've killed me. The battle is trying not to dwell on what I lost in the crash, but trying to move forward with who I am now.
Merry Christmas everybody. I hope you are all spending it with people you love.
Jess
x
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